Recently I decided to join an online dating site. Scratch that, I was forced to join an online dating site. A polite, considerate friend of mine decided that she would offer me two options: I join a dating site, or she joins for me. Being of sound mind, I chose the option of joining myself. I figured this would avoid the inevitable awkward situation of ripping her head clear off when I discovered what she was doing in my name months down the road.
If you have yet to experience the wonders of online dating, let me save you some precious time and give you the 411. Here are a set of rules for anyone who dares enter the tricky, mysterious world of dating on the world wide google inter-web.
1. Picture Faux Pas
Do NOT under any circumstances put the best picture you ever took on your profile. All this leads to is a great look of sorrow when your dates meet you in person. They sound very enthusiastic over the phone, then show immediate regret when your face appears in front of them for the first time. Put some candid shots up there and give your viewers a realistic expectation.
2. No Shirt, No Service
Please refrain from the shirtless, bathroom picture. Ladies, this includes you. If your idea of a good time includes one-night stands and hooking up with reckless abandon, by all means, post away. If your interest is in a real relationship with someone who desires more than a one-time encounter, leave on the shirt people.
3. You Might Be a Douchebag If…
You join a dating site when you are married. You post pictures with gold teeth and a wad of cash in your hand. You fear showers, toilet paper, soap, tooth brushes, deodorant or any other bodily cleaning agents.
4. The Truth Will Set You Free
Be honest about your expectations and wants. No one on a dating site “reads into” inflection or the meaning behind your words. Your audience takes everything you write at face value. Remember, these are strangers reading about you, not your next door neighbor or best friend. So say you don’t want to date a smoker, mention it. So say you won’t be happy with someone who has children, put it in your description. So say you aren’t comfortable dating outside your race, jot that down.
5. For the Love of All That is Holy
Use proper grammar. If you didn’t graduate high school, that is not an issue. Not using spell-check, however, is a huge offense. This is the number one problem with over half of the profiles you will view. If you write a message that sounds like “yo sexy momma waz up wit you?” your message will likely not receive any correspondence and if it does, it will be negative.
Feel free to add your tips and experiences below! Let’s learn from each other and not try to reinvent the dating wheel!
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